HOME OR NO HOME

Once we open our eyes into the world certain gifts are  bestowed on to us like-PARENTS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, BIRTHPLACE & most importantly is OUR HOME , THESE ARE NOT BY OUR CHOICE but given to us by the Almighty. All of us over time get accustomed to this happily & adopt to it so well that we begin to fall in love with these things by the time we are in sensible age. The warmth that we feel is possibly similarly to what we have had in our mother’s womb and now externally in our home, birthplace & surroundings too.

We grow up as individuals with various  choices now & one of the biggest choice we make is to share our lives with a partner by virtue of conjugal ties. However just with this one choice , begins to change most of our aspects in life that had been so dear to us all this while.

Say for example while a prospective groom loves to spend time with his friends , parents , & loved ones his time reduces considerably with them because he needs to share the same with his partner who enters his life quite late in life. While he loves doing this for certain amount of time, at the beginning of the relationship. Eventually , the desire to spend time alone declines & this phenomenon ( if we all are honest to ourselves) is but natural to occur.

Here on the other hand , the bride who is completely into a new ambience a new situation & is dependent mentally on her husband finds it difficult to build up the tempo at a very rapid pace all by herself.

Let us now rewind a little now socially , we cannot deny when marriage as an institution had developed in Indian society and  the concept of Vivah , by virtue  of Swayamvar, Gandharva, Asura or Prajapatya, the institution of marriage intended to bind souls from a very tender age to adopt to each other’s ways. But, we have changed & the change is definitely for our well being as marriage at a later age is found to be more stable, sustainable , healthy & women face less difficulties during childbirth than what happens in a tender age.

However the ill impact of a late marriage is that the two individuals are compact clay and  already well built mentally soulfully, socially , physically, & thus adopting to new terms & ambience is no less  than a  herculean task.

The bride ,who has to leave her home that had been her nest for an age of 25 years on an average in Indian society today & leaves behind many delightful soul candies that causes a rift in the couple when it comes to settle scores during  a conflict.

We have read widely that it is better to be alone than be lonely in a crowd or with someone in a relationship. The very fact that two individuals are making hard task decisions, adjustments compromises is the fact that they no longer remain what they were born as.

This write up does not intend to discourage couples who are willing to sacrifice their pleasures to make place for a new relationship.

The only intent is to find out whether it is essential for anyone to leave anything- like  a woman leaving behind her home and surroundings and in the process brings about an atmosphere of having made sacrifices and pushing for a rift because it is at the end of the day, she who leaves behind all, at a ripe age & stay up with her husband when she may not want to do so.. This in turn causes quite a pressure on the man too to make unwilling sacrifices because he is constantly reeling under the concept of  sacrifices and compromises of the lady.

Instead a marriage could be twined in a wilful, happy relationship that gives a choice to the couple to decide , how, why and what would they like to do to spend their time with each other in a beautiful and jovial stance.

Now that most women & men have their respective livelihood  & sense of earning, the old, metaphor of having a married home & leaving behind everything may not be essential for either gender who is economically well to do.  Rather doing things which are – happy, healthy & pleasing that does not disturb the tranquillity of the relationship may be a better way to look at the tie.

Before I end I would like to cite a common social phenomenon, where a woman who gets married at quite a substantial age of her life , to a man chosen by her family in a different city but by the time she leaves her place and she makes up her mind, that she would have to make many changes in accordance to the new needs of the relationship.  However in the process of making changes , the couple feels that the whole purpose of making up a home and the conjunct of companionship between the two individuals is almost completely lost. The process gets concentrated in making adjustments and compromises instead of reviving and enhancing the beautiful companionship between the two genders. Therefore a home is no home unless it does not go beyond just a daily routine and chores..

Please share in your varied ideas and concepts on this most talked about social relationship of companionship between a man and a woman.

Thank you for reading through.

Anubrata (Yugadhikari).